The last thing I want to do is start writing in this blog about how I’m doing on my “resting project”. If I do that, I’ll start being rebellious and feel like my blog is checking up on me. I’ll quickly regress to about age 15 and it will accomplish nothing.
I spent a while this morning writing about what it might look like to take on a new way of engaging with life instead of always pushing; working harder and harder while resting less and less, trying to make something happen. I alternate between being afraid and hopeful that if I give up on working hard, which is what I’ve always done, an endless and as yet unimagined field of possibilities might unfold before me. With that as the carrot, I can take my baby steps of giving up increasing quantities of control.
Ahhh… so thats what it means to be a control freak.
I’ve never considered myself a control freak, but in that light, maybe that lovely expression applies (ouch!). So maybe I don’t need to control other people, but the idea of giving up the manner in which I’ve always done things throws me into a bit of a panic, so I must have some issues with control. When I hear the little voice in the back of my head saying “but, but, but… ” and clinging to the threads (ok… cords) that remain of my ideas for the way I need to acheive my goals, I realize that its going to require a certain amount of vigilance.
My mind can play all kinds of tricks on me trying to get me to believe that I’m doing something differently. Today, I was making earrings for a gift sale tomorrow at my friend Carolyn’s house. I caught myself trying to figure out how to squeeze in time to make a couple more pairs instead of spend some time resting. I almost had to slap my hands to get them to put the tools down, finish making the tags for the earrings that I had finished, and call it good.
Not having had my camera out at all, I decided to decorate the coral bark maple with the earrings and photograph them before I delivered the goods. Not quite the drama in this photograph as the ice yesterday morning, but some days are like that. That’s one of the biggest challenges of this blog. Some days are just ordinary days where not much happens that anyone would want to read or see. About the only drama today was when my sister’s dog got all excited because I was petting her and bounced up, nailing me in the lower lip with her rock hard chocolate lab head. My fat bloody lip is definitely not as attractive as these earrings!
Oh, and for any of you reading this who go to Carolyn’s sales, this one is tomorrow and Friday. Give me a holler if you need the address.