Its hard to think of walking the dogs as a serious responsibility on a February day when the sun is shining, I’m wearing a t-shirt, and I have to find a bottle of sunscreen before going out. There are plenty of times, in the months between November and May when I have to coax all three of us to go out, thinking really, they’ll be fine without a walk. Not today. This morning, they were only slow to get going because they were lounging lazily in the sunshine on the back porch. I decided to take the loop through the green belt so as to give them as much off-leash time as possible. Once moving, they were so happy to be out that they bounced sideways with excitement and ran in circles around each other barking and nipping. I wanted to let them run. At seven and four, these guys are not puppies, but you would never have known.
As much as they needed to be out there, I needed it more. I told a friend that I thought my head was screwed on sideways this morning. In part, the fallout from yesterday’s pace and hat swapping left me feeling a bit at loose ends, but there was more to it than that. After staying up too late last night unsuccessfully trying to decide where to stay in New York, this morning felt discombobulated. My usual routine got shelved with a sick kid and an important phone call before I’d even had my ritual half decaf latte, and I kept getting side-tracked all morning until I finally decided that I just had to get out of the house. Fortunately, a friend suggested a hotel in New York that I then found a deal on, so at least that was taken care of.
I spent half the walk tracking my discomfiture of the morning before I finally got my head turned around the right direction… or at least close. Lets just say that sunshine and blue skies seem to have a magically soothing effect. By the time I got home, I was back in action and able to be reasonable company for the remainder of the day. I went to visit a good friend who’s temporarily “mobility impaired” due to an injury. This gives him a lot of time to do things like read my blog, poor soul. He commented that I was a “complicated person”. I think I started to protest, but swallowed the words as they came out of my mouth thinking back on some of the mind-bending entries I’ve written here. Maybe its a gender thing, or maybe I really am that complicated even compared to most women. I don’t know, but he’s right. I am complicated. Or rather, my mind gets really complicated when it gets going. So, in an effort to become less complicated, and possibly save the sanity of my extensive readership, I have decided to breathe more and insert paragraph breaks into my writing. If they appear rather random, that’s only because I don’t think in paragraphs, and my thoughts actually don’t take a breath. They just keep going from one thing to the next. For that matter, even the sentence breaks are rather artificial. But I want to respect my readers and not make their eyes cross or their heads hurt, so paragraphs it is.
The thing that was bugging me this morning, compounded by not enough sleep, was actually going to New York for the exhibition reception next week. I realized that as much of an intrepid traveller as I have been in my life, its been a long time since I threw a pack on my shoulders and headed off without a plan. Even that would be more familiar than my next adventure. I have no idea what to expect from this reception and am both excited about it and nervous. I’ve never had a photograph in an exhibition before, and certainly not in New York. Now when I back off from this, its nothing other than exciting, but with my complicated brain, and not enough sleep, I was getting all twisted up imagining all sorts of crazy scenarios. In one, I arrive at the museum, my photograph is not actually there, and they don’t even know who I am. In another, its still in the tube I sent it in, in the bathroom. In another, it never arrived at all. None of these makes any sense. I got the invitation, I’ve seen the press release with my name on it and the name of my project, and I’ve now got a plane ticket and a hotel reservation. I guess my camera and I going to New York for real, and I guess my little moonlighting gig is working out all right.